Planet Of Apes

Today's post is about how backwards the human race is becoming, instead of moving forward we're totally moving towards the opposite direction.

I came across an Online Magazine and the contents it had amazed me, how selfish we can become to our own kind and turn to animals for friendship, companionship and so on.

To me, there's nothing more demeaning than reading a celebrity rich list. A horrible reminder that there are people out there worth more than you and your Facebook friends combined (times 20), says Andrew Burnett writer of SHORTLIST Online Magazine, often littered with celebs who really, genuinely don't deserve the cash they take for granted.

But it's nothing compared to this. Animals, who clearly don't need any more attention than they already have, have been slowly racking up the pennies behind our naïve backs all this time.

With no charitable urges or humanitarian concerns, these beasts have been laughing/barking/squawking all the way to the bank while others struggle along.

Some of these animals inherited money worth some countries ANNUAL BUDGET, as in there are countries that would be helped with such a donation, "build hospitals", because we look Demented with such outrageous Topsy-Turvy mindless decisions going on in this world , "build schools", because we've become Nincompoops by letting such Grim and Anomalous Idiosyncrasies to go Riotous without proper Scrutiny ,"build churches", because we need prayers, and we've forgotten to turn to our creator for Counsel and Forgiveness.

Anyway here are the Most Primitive decisions made by man to me.

Here are seven of the wealthiest animals on earth.

 

1. Gunther

Dog (£90 million or $145 million)
Now Gunther isn't just a bit rich, he's absurdly, offensively loaded. The German Shepherd inherited his fortune from his father, who in turn had received the money from his completely not crazy owner Karlotta Liebenstein when she died. Aside from spending his money on the obvious (chewy bones, bitches), Gunther also purchased Madonna's old Miami home and a rare white truffle worth £1,000, a favourite delicacy of pavement-sniffing, bin-foraging dogs.

2. Blackie

Cat (£15 million or $25 million)
The world's richest cat earned his millions after his owner Ben Rea died. Rea's relatives received nothing while the reclusive millionaire made sure his furry BFF would be kitted out in the finest collars for the rest of his life. As the richest cat in the world, he's earned himself a place in the Guinness Book of World Records yet he's opted for a life outside of the spotlight and his whereabouts are unknown. Has anyone checked the laundry basket?

3. Gigoo

Chicken (£6 million or $10 million)
Now, it's hard to get too angry with the annoyingly unpronounceable Gigoo. While most of her brothers, sisters, cousins and vague acquaintances are likely to find themselves covered in breadcrumbs and shovelled into the mouths of toddlers, this plucky hen found herself at the centre of publishing mogul Miles Blackwell's will once his wife died. Whether or not his wife died from severe pecking injuries is unknown.

4. Trouble

Dog (£1 million or $1.6 million)
A sad story here. This poor Maltese terrier, owned by property billionaire Leona Helmsley, found his inheritance slashed from £6 million after relatives contested. The tragic mutt will now have to downscale his spending habits, probably opting for Sheba over foie gras and having to fire the dog who chews his bones for him first.

5. Tina and Kate

Dogs (£450,000 or $720,000)
While most dogs are aware of their place within the scheme of things (pretty low down), Tina and Kate are two spoilt brats who've actually managed to engineer their way above at least one human. This poor gent is their carer who was paid to look after them and the house they've inherited from their deceased owner. The dogs regularly taunt their slave by burning £50 notes and barking the theme tune to Golden Girls for hours on end. Well, maybe. Rich bitches.

6. Tinker

Cat (£100,000 or $160,000)
Probably the most shameful entrant on the list is unsurprisingly of the feline family. A manipulative stray called Tinker "befriended" an elderly woman who died soon after leaving him the money in her will and the run of her three bedroom house. Unsurprisingly, this decision angered many and Tinker's nine lives were in danger. Death threats caused him to be moved to a safe house. Sorry, safe mansion.

7. Silverstone

Tortoise (£16,667 or $27,000)
Now, admittedly Silverstone's total net worth isn't as impressive as some of the other entrants on the list but we're intrigued to know what a 50-year-old tortoise is going to do with all that cash. The former plaything of bookshop tycoon Christina Foyle, Silverstone gained his name after proving himself speedier than expected. Speedier than expected for a tortoise remains slow enough for an easy mugging, so keep your eyes peeled for a gold-plated reptile with a smugger than usual expression. Make a wallet out of him. JOKE! JEEZ!

 
ALL I CAN SAY IS Tough-Shit!!!